Chris Brown and Charlie Sheen: Separate and Unequal??

It's been quite a week for (in)famous (alleged) batterers of women. Charlie Sheen sells out Madison Square Garden while denying rumors that he's returned to "Two and a Half Men," and hip-hop artist Chris Brown emerges shirtless from the Good Morning America NYC studio after a violent rage caused by a tough interview. Somewhere the ghost of Ike Turner is kicking himself and wishing he was alive right now!! What a terrific time to be a male star who abuses women. The world is your oyster - you can release your comeback album, throw temper tantrums (and chairs), play the victim, and be treated to a lap dance in a 12-hour period (Mr. Brown); or you can have two strippers/porn stars babysit your children and can cash in on the psycho-babblings of your Twitter feed (Mr. Sheen).

But, alas, not all is well. Following the firestorm that erupted after his post-GMA tirade, Chris Brown tweeted that he was angry that the media continues to bring up his domestic violence, while Charlie Sheen is given a pass (the actual tweet contained some spicier verbiage!). So is there a double standard in the treatment of Chris Brown and Charlie Sheen? Yes, there is. So what is it based on? The answer may not be so obvious. Here are some factors that may be at work:

1. Race - The image of the violent, angry black man is, unfortunately, still a go-to stereotype in the minds of some, and images of a snarling, smirking, and shirtless Chris Brown only serve to reinforce this prejudice. He has been portrayed as an animalistic, violent thug, while Charlie Sheen is viewed as the sad, drunken uncle that your mom warns you about whose completely harmless. His rantings are fodder for "The Soup" and his jovial, even affable manner, has made him a media darling.
2. Bimbo vs. Good Girl - Charlie Sheen has a long history of violence against women, however, with the exception of Kelly Preston, whom he shot in 1990 when they were engaged, these women have either had careers in the adult entertainment industry or were abusing drugs and alcohol. These women were no match for Sheen and his millions, and a public who believes the worst when it comes to certain types of women who do certain kinds of things with men. Contrast this situation with Chris Brown who had the nerve to rough up Rihanna, a "nice" girl who was successful on her own. The fact that the two had been in a long-term committed relationship only added to the public's sense of betrayal, after all we'd watched them on countless red carpets together. Add to this that there were actual photos showing Rihanna's bruised, puffy punch-battered face and you've got a slam dunk! 
3. Addiction vs. Anger - The treatment of addiction is both illusive and frustrating, and for celebrities the fame and narcissism can make addiction fatal. Reality shows, like the repulsive "Celebrity Rehab," and the over-the-top "Being Bobby Brown," while exploiting their celeb subjects, have also taken us behind the fame wall and made us sympathetic to those wrestling with addiction. It's become standard operating procedure for celebrities like La-Lohan to sign themselves immediately into a rehab facility following extremely bad behavior. We can forgive addiction. So it's little wonder that Charlie Sheen has found a soft spot in the hearts and minds of so many, after all, his rages were fueled by addiction, or so we assume, and so he is given a pass. Not so with Chris Brown, though. He's an angry man, that's it, pure and simple - case closed!

Of course, lost in all of this are the limitations of the law in prosecuting violence against women, and our own limitations as we allow ourselves to be entertained by a couple of clowns who beat and threaten women and collect a paycheck for their efforts. I'm just saying.

Run Like Hell: A How-To Guide When Couples You Know De-Couple

While the world seems focused on Charlie Sheen and his polyamorous ways, I started thinking about the marital break-up that precipitated this current free-fall. While Charlie's plight has some very Hollywood elements to it, all marital break-ups have one thing in common: friends caught in the middle. And while no-fault divorce exists in the courtroom, in the living room or dining room or wherever friends gather, there is only war. Couples become friends with other couples, but if the marriage of one of those couples falls off of a cliff, then you might just find yourself hurtling into the void.

But how does this happen? Sometimes, it starts small, with little drips of information about the relationship being unintentionally leaked during an unguarded moment by Spouse A. Then, maybe there's an invitation to coffee where Spouse A wants to ask your advice about Spouse B. Next thing you know, you and your significant other are at dinner with this couple, and you're being dragged into the middle of a sudden disagreement between Spouse A and Spouse B.

But, you may say, I'm a reasonable person and I have a great relationship with MY spouse, so there's no danger in my counseling Spouse A. And I'd have to say you're completely wrong!

A marriage ending is like a bomb going off and it can injure those in closest proximity to it. So here's an easy to use how-to guide to get you through someone else's rough patch:

1. Screen Your Calls - In this era of high-tech gadgetry meant to keep us in constant contact, you are always accessible. This is a not good if you've got a needy couple in crisis texting/calling/emailing every hour on the hour to tell you what an A.S.S. their significant other is. Call-screening is a time-honored practice, dating back to the very first answering machine.
2. Get Thee to a Therapist - Maybe I shouldn't be the one that has to tell you this, but, guess what? You're probably not a therapist. Your combative couple friends may know that, but they willfully choose to ignore it when they start the Debbie Downer Download. And while it's nice to feel needed, don't give into the Siren Song of Seduction that is the Couple in Crisis. Instead, learn this phrase, practice it until it is burned into the synapses of your brain: "You know, maybe you should see a therapist." Now relax and breath. Ah:)
3. Forget Neutral - Some friends of the de-coupling couple like to try to remain friends with both parties, and think that by stating this, and then listening to all of the pains and woes and trials and tribulations of both spouses that they're being fair and balanced and remaining neutral. News flash: there's no such thing as neutral in this situation. At some point, one or both of them will try to pump you for info on the other, and soon you'll find yourself called to testify in their testy divorce proceedings. Or, worse, your own spouse will choose a side and you'll find your own home life compromised as somebody else's mess seeps into your home. 
4. Stop Making Friends with Other Couples - After the couple has moved from crisis to counseling to divorce and onto living the newly single life, reflect back on your friendship and instead of trying to be friends with 2 people, why not try a friendship with one person. You see, couple friendships are so tricky because they're built on a false premise - the premise that if I like you that I must also like your spouse. That's such bunk! Friendship, true friendship, is a choice that happens when two people like each other and spend time with each other of their own free will. Deep friendship is an emotionally intimate relationship that grounds you and uplifts you. This isn't about liking one spouse and dis-liking the other spouse, it's truly about connection.

I'm just saying!