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Friday, February 18, 2011

You Get Paid for That?? Or, Why Snooki Makes More than your Kid's Teacher!

It was recently revealed that the Kardashian family pulled in $65 million in 2010. How did they do it? Well, it wasn't from some unbelievable world-saving scientific breakthrough; rather it was from their stable of reality shows, music singles, personal appearances, selling photos of their weddings and babies to the tabloids, writing a book, sending Tweets, hawking perfumes, and fashion lines. Think about it - one of the Kardashians sold her wedding pictures to a tabloid for $300K - that's one HELL of a cake cutting! If you want to have a Kardashian show up at your next party, you'd better get out your checkbook because it can cost you as much as $100K domestic and $1 million if your Kardashian must fly outside of the United States. And while you're sitting there on Twitter giving it away, Kim Kardashian is earning $25,000 for tweets that endorse certain products.

But the insanity doesn't end there! The cast of MTV's "Jersey Shore" successfully negotiated a per episode salary increase from $10,000 to $30,000. That should keep The Situation in fake-bake and hair gel for the next decade! In addition, Snooki - the pickle-chomping grande dame of the Jersey Shore, has written a book and has launched a line of house slippers so that you, too, may live la vida Snooki.

I hate to sound like a ticked off Jan Brady, but it's just not fair! It seems like there's an epidemic of people getting something for nothing - and by "something", I mean money; and by "nothing", I mean to say their lack of talent. It would seem that an indicator for future success isn't good grades in school and a good work ethic - rather, it's the ability to get hold of a video camera and do unspeakable things in front of it. Let's call it the Paris Effect, after the now 30-year old little rich girl who made a career out of being tacky, slutty, and any other "-y" that you can cause a bad taste in your mouth. No pun intended!

Paris Hilton is frightening. Think about it: she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth, educated in the finest schools, given every advantage in her life and instead of working in the family business or joining the Peace Corps, she decides to strike out and make a name for herself by being a tramp! She created the blueprint for the legions of Kim Kardashians, Snookis, and others who will surely follow. Paris' "empire" (that's what she calls it) includes a stable of fragrances for men and women, and now an iPhone app. Somewhere, Monica Lewinsky must be kicking herself for stopping at handbags!

I guess now is the time that I'm supposed to put all of this into perspective, showing how vapid and empty the lives of these minor celebs must be. And I'll do that - eventually. For now, I'm just going to hurl myself onto my bed, legs kicking, and fists pounding the mattress, frustrated by the unfairness of it all. Where is that video camera?? I'm just saying:)

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